Key Points in Draft Workshop #2

I received a lot of helpful feedback in the second draft workshop. My thesis needs to be more concise and directive. My diction needs to correlate with what exactly I mean to say. I need to include a counter argument as well. I need to keep relating my analysis and examples to my thesis. I need to open with a more eye – opening attention grabber such as an intense scene from the movie or something. Watch out for awkward wording. I could also elaborate more to add to my word count. Even though I have seen the movie, I need to write as if my reader has not seen the movie yet – so more description and background when citing an example.

Malcolm Gladwell’s “The Science of Shopping”

In “The Science of Shopping”, Malcolm Gladwell describes the science and analysis behind store’s merchandise. He addresses the occupation of Paco Underhill, an extremely successful consultant, who furthered the theories of Whyte’s work. When reaching of Paco’s discoveries such as the Invariant Right and the Decompression Zone, I realized I do exactly what he said the average consumer does. In Banana Republic and Gap, the sweater tables placed in the middle of the store are purposely placed there for the consumer to touch and feel. Paco’s realizations of the purchasing industry in stores has obviously increased stores’ profits such as Starbucks, McDonald’s, Apple Computer, and others. He has been involved in so many of the most successful companies in the market – so, there must be a certain degree of truth behind his analysis. This kind of understanding of the consumer is very interesting and worthwhile to look into.

Robert Kuttner’s The Other Side of E-mail

Kuttner does make some very observant points about e-mail. In an e-mail, tone cannot be understood the exact way a person intends it to be read. Kuttner describes an incident with a friend where insults were exchanged because of a misconception of a tone in the e-mail. This can very easily happen when exchanging e-mails, but this can also happen on the phone or in person. Tone can be understood in many instances. It all depends on the relationship between the two individuals interacting. Also, Kuttner points out how public and exposed e-mails can be. Yet, people need to use their discretion in any circumstances when divulging important personal information, not just through e-mail. Kuttner forgets that human discretion is a major part in the use of e-mail.

Key Things About Essay #1’s Revision

My main focus during the revision of my paper is to constantly keep connecting my body paragraphs’ examples and analysis to my thesis in my introduction. At times during my essay, I veer away from the direction of my paper. I need to adhere to the thesis to keep my paper cohesive and specific. Also, I need to develop my conclusion more. I need to sum up my entire paper while adding an attention grabbing or revealing about my thesis. Furthermore, I need to include a counter argument in my paper. The counter argument is going to make my reader think about my position even more. Small grammatical errors are sprinkled throughout my essay so I need to finish up and shine my essay at the end.

Viriginia Postrel’s “Superhero Worship”

In “Superhero Worship,” Virginia Postrel writes about the connection between Golden Age movie stars and modern day superhero movies. She explains how both exude an element of glamour. Glamour is defined as “seeking escape from a drab, mundane life.” I agree with her claim about the evaluation of superhero movies. Superman, Spiderman, and Batman all have an element of glamour. They have this unattainable power – an aspect of complete and utter uniqueness and individuality that makes them special. At the same time, superheroes have a relatable quality that connects them with their audience just like glamorous icons

Vivian C. Sobchack’s “The Postmorbid Condition”

In “The Postmorbid Condition”, Vivian C. Sobchack criticizes the recently produced violent movies that use violence to create laughter instead of cringe. The image of the human body is manipulated by technology. Sobchack reminds us of the “massive quantity of graphic physical damage and the violent squandering of bodies and lives redeemed to social purpose and meaning.” Through technology and the amount of violent gory movies, it becomes easier for us to tolerant the overtop and extreme violence. Sobchack points out a valid point of modern society and its indulgences. I agree with her assertion that “the human body has lost its meaning in contemporary life and has become little more than a machine whose destruction is on a par with an exploding machine.” She uses great modern movies such as Pulp Fiction and Natural Born Killers to exemplify her point.

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